Waking up in Middle Earth
by They call me Mary
Summary: I was bored and this was the result. Chapter long Mary-Sue ficlets. Hopefully funny.
1. The epic adventure of Girl

**Adventures of Girl, the Mary-Sue, Part One.**

One beautiful sunny day, Girl fell from the sky.

She died.

But being a Mary-Sue she had super-natural powers. Resurrection was one of them. She also had heat vision and the ability to fly, but that matter is completely irrelevant… for now.

Now Girl had beautiful golden hair that was so glossy that when she went out into the sun, her hair utterly blinded any who looked at (and or) near her. In addition to her hair, she had a chest of such dimension that it created the illusion that one was on the moon; how she could stand without falling over was not known to any. She also had eyes that changed colour at will; they were used for trapping innocent souls of Elf-Princes and forcing them to love her.

She was also very beautiful.

Brave and courageous, sensitive and witty, spirited and fearless; these were just a few of the attitudes Girl had towards life. She was also talented in all forms of combat; knew how to wield any weapon made, even though she had never actually handled a weapon; and finally she had intelligence and wisdom that surpassed even the Valar themselves.

But yet, when approached by a lustful and intoxicated male, all she could do was squeak "No… don't… please… stop…"

Girl woke up from her resurrection and instantly knew where she was; Middle Earth. Of course it would be Middle Earth, where else would there be moss and trees?

Rising from the hole she had made upon impact; Girl decided to go to Rivendell. There she thought she would be welcomed warmly; given a room and clothes; and all would love her dearly and the Elves would account her as one of their own kin.

Heading in a random direction she walked; and walked; and walked; and walked; and walked; and walked; and sang; and walked; and walked and pouted; and walked; and walked and skipped; and walked; and walked; and walked; and walked; and blinked; and walked; and walked; and walked; and hopped; and walked; and walked.

Now having been walking for days on end she was getting tired, any _normal_ person would be dead from starvation. But not Girl.

No, not Girl.

After three months of endless walking, she got hungry. Also annoyed that she hadn't come across Rivendell yet, or any other sort of civilization for that fact. Walking up to a tree, she started to sing. Lots of cute fuzzy woodland animals came up to her and started to sing along in their animal voices. The cute fuzzy woodland animals fell in love with Girl and decided they would help her. But Girl had another idea…

Seizing that moment at which all the cute fuzzy woodland animals had lined up around her, she roasted them all with her heat vision. Today she was having barbeque.

But what Girl didn't know, is that an Elf was passing through the forest behind her and saw the entire incident. He was horrified. He ran back to his land (which happened to be Lothlorien) and warned his Lord and Lady of an evil sorceress obviously in league with the Dark Lord roasting poor helpless woodland animals alive.

Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel become worried; what if this creature came into their realm and mercilessly slaughtered their people? Galadriel increased the power in the girdle protecting Lothlorien while Celeborn ordered the army to prepare themselves for the worst.

Galadriel sent word to Lord Elrond of Imladris of this foul creature and asked for his aid and the aid of any other Elf-Realms if needs be.

Six-hundred Elves later, Girl was frolicking through a field when an outburst of arrows rained down on her. She died instantly, quick and painful, her blood staining the grass around her, seeping out like water from barrel full of holes.

The Elves rejoiced, killing this demon was easier then they had planned. But that's what they thought. For the second time, Girl, using her magical powers resurrected herself and in a flash of white light she was standing next to her deceased self and looking confused.

The Elves fled in terror.


	2. A Realistic Approach

**A Realistic Approach to Waking Up in Middle Earth**

It's a little depressing. But when there are so many Mary-Sues falling into Middle Earth, some of them are bound to miss out on being rescued...

Jenna cracked open an eye and yawned. The bright morning sunlight shone right on her face making her squint. Propping herself up onto her elbows she wondered who had opened her curtains? The girl looked around herself, she was lying on the cold hard ground and her pyjamas were slightly damp from the morning dew.

All vestige of sleep left as she sat bolt upright. Where was her bed? Her pillows? Her room in general?

"Hello?" Jenna called out as she slowly stood up. She was wearing an old pair track pants and an oversized 'Mr. Lazy' t-shirt. Standing silent for a moment she took in her new surroundings. Tall trees all around her, their leaves softly rustling in the light morning breeze. Somewhere off in the distance she could hear the continuous gurgle of water rushing down a stream.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" she called out again. She was met with only birdsong. Sighing the girl started walking towards the sound of the water. In one or two minutes she had found it's source. Clear water busily ran down the stream. She could see tadpoles and insect larvae wriggling about in the still water along the bank. She rolled up her track pants and stepped out towards the middle, where the water was clearest and cleanest. Standing knee deep she cupped her hands and washed her face. It was refreshingly cool.

The girl stepped out of the stream, wiped her hand on her pants and rolled them back down. She looked about, weighing which direction she should go in next. She decided to head down stream, she thought staying close to the stream would mean a better chance of finding civilisation.

The sun has risen to the middle of the sky, the air was warm and the breeze had died. The sound of crickets was deafening in her ears. Jenna found herself stopping occasionally to splash her face with the cool water, she was glad she had decided to stick with the stream. By now the forest had started to thin out. She could see grassy plains through the trees ahead of her, where the tree line stopped completely.

Unsure if she wanted to continue walking, without the protection from the trees, she sat down and dipped her feet into the water. Her stream had joined up with a swift running river and it was quickly getting wider and faster. Jenna laid down to rest her muscles, she had not seen or heard any other wildlife, save the small birds that flitted through the trees.

After a short break she stepped out from the tree line. Holding her hand over her face to stop the glare she took in the view. From where she stood the landscape sloped slightly downhill. The river continued on into the horizon, sparkling and glistening in the the sunlight. On her right she could make out mountains through the haze, they went right up to meet the clouds. Possibly further.

Far on her left was a huge forest, far more dense than the one she had just come out of. The forest felt dark, like a cloud had gone over the sun, casting a shadow only on those trees. Neither looked particularly inviting so Jenna continued on following her river, still hopeful that she would find a town somewhere further down.

Sunlight was getting low in the sky, changing from gold, to dusky orange and then to purple. The last rays were warm on her skin, then before she knew it they were gone. She looked up at the sky, two stars were already out. Jenna looked at them quizzically, they seemed unfamiliar to her, like they weren't sitting where she thought they normally do.

The river had come to a ford, it had opened up to almost three times as wide, but it was very shallow. She could easily walk across the river if she wanted. There were no trees to offer her protection for the night. She had seen fish in the water and wanted to try and catch one but had no idea how. She didn't even know how to start a fire to cook it!

Spying a washed up, sun bleached log near the bank she walked over to it and sat down. Holding her head in her hands she let out a long sigh. It was dark by now, she could see the glow of the moon coming up on the eastern horizon, giving the dark forest that lay under it an unearthly silver sheen.

She turned towards the mountains on her right, looking up at their daunting silhouetts. At the base she thought she saw something. A flicker of light? Jenna stared harder at the darkness. There it was! A tiny orange light popped out of the darkness. Then another! And another! Soon there was a handful of them flickering in the black. The girl thought she saw shadows moving about with them.

People, she thought. How did she not see them during the day? She got up and and started running blindly across the ford towards them. She kept tripping on deep pockets of water, grazing her hands and knees on the rocks. She reached the other side of the river and the ground immediately started to slope upwards but she kept going.

They were further up the slope than she realised. She stopped to catch her breath. Looking up she was close enough to see that the orange lights were flames; but in the form of some kind of medieval torches?

Jenna saw shapes moving about them and hesitated. They didn't look right, they were slouched and hopped about in an awkward, unnatural way. She could hear them too, yelling at each other, although it sounded more like growling and hissing. The clanging of metal rung in her ears, followed by laughing maybe? It was such a guttural sound she couldn't be certain.

Cautiously she moved towards the light. More of them were coming out of some opening in the side of the mountain. That explains why she didn't see anything during the day.

The hairs on her neck started to prickle. Goosebumps ran down her arms, spine and legs. She shuddered. Smells from the camp ahead wafted down, it stunk. Like rancid, rotting meat. The girl retched uncontrollably.

Her gut was screaming at her to leave. Now! She looked up at the camp once more, this time one of them moved into the light of a torch and she saw it's face. Hideous, contorted; ugly in every sense. The skin was dark, scarred and mottled green-grey.

Sharp teeth stuck out unevenly from a snarl. The flickering flames from the torch made it look even more sinister. Jenna gasped, it was a monster! Instantly she turned and sprinted back down towards the river. She realised now. She realised in her panic that she was running towards the Anduin river, these were the Misty Mountains. Her assailants were goblins.

Adrenaline kicked in. She didn't want to die. Not here, not like this. All she could think about was putting one leg in front of the other. Left, right, left, right. Her heart pumping so loudly it drowned out all other noise.

Something hit her in the back of a thigh; with so much force it knocked her to the ground. She pushed herself up and started running again. Only her foot wouldn't work, pins and needles were setting in. It was painfully numb. She reached down and felt the back of her leg, to her surprise something rough and wooden was sticking out. Jenna stopped and looked, it was long, black and thin. The shaft of an arrow?

The pain hit her when she realised what had happened. Searing and throbbing at the same time. The girl let out a cry, more from the shock then the pain. A noise from somewhere behind caught her attention. That same guttural laugh she heard earlier. Faintly she could make out two figures. She felt dizzy and sick. Where was Aragorn? Or Leglolas? Heck, she would even be happy with Gimli!

One of the shapes stopped, the other kept coming, laughing like it was a game. It was close. She could hear it's wheezing breath, the clinking of metal armour. The other was reloading it's bow. This was it, she had no chance now. She was going to die under an unfamiliar sky.

It struck her so hard in the chest she lost her footing and fell backwards. Her head was aching from the fall. Her vision became increasingly blurred. Something was spilling down her chest; it was liquid and warm. She could feel the wobble of the arrow when she tried to draw breath.

"Elbereth Gilthoniel!" she sighed.


End file.
